Classroom Behavior Challenges
Guide for Parents
Real-world strategies from 30 years of educational and clinical psychology experience
By Coleen Vanderbeek, PsyD, LPC
In this article, you’ll learn
Redefining student behavior
Interpreting a child’s behavior
Regulating with sensory awareness
"Share Your Calm" for self-regulation
Positive parent communication
Strategies for community care
After working in educational and clinical psychology for over 30 years, the topic of behavioral challenges in the classroom is near and dear to my heart. Experience has taught me that no simple formula—when a child does X, the teacher should do Y—will address the underlying causes of a child’s behavior in this setting. Instead, I recommend more substantive, thoughtful solutions that can only come from equanimity, regulation, resources, and direct communication. Here are some insights and strategies that I've gathered over the years, specifically for educators.
Reach for equanimity: Redefining student behavior and understanding its context
Through my experience as an education advocate and mental health professional, I've learned that effective behavior management involves shifting our perspective from labeling behaviors as simply “good” or “bad” to viewing them neutrally. While yelling might generally be considered inappropriate, it's acceptable in certain contexts like a fire or a basketball game. Instead of focusing on good or bad, let's consider behaviors in the classroom as “challenging” or “unchallenging.” Context is crucial here, as what one teacher finds challenging, another might not. Ultimately, the responsibility of understanding and interpreting a child's behavior in the classroom rests with the teacher who is experiencing it, not solely with the child exhibiting the behavior.
“Instead of simply stopping the behavior, it's crucial to address the underlying pain and teach them alternative, safer ways to express their needs.”
Currently, classrooms and mental health professionals are observing increased levels of dysregulation, sensory processing disorders, and anxiety among students. The symptoms of these conditions often appear as behaviors, which are a form of communication. Given that approximately 90% of communication is non-verbal, it's essential for educators to understand the messages behind behaviors rather than simply labeling or pathologizing children based on their actions. Teachers can more effectively support their students by getting to know each individual, understanding their typical behavior, noticing when they deviate from their usual patterns, and helping them develop healthy communication habits.
Imagine a student who usually wears a hoodie and enthusiastically greets the teacher each morning. If that same student suddenly arrives with their hood up, avoids eye contact, and doesn't speak, they are likely trying to communicate something. Similarly, if a child is banging their head, it could indicate they have a headache. Instead of simply stopping the behavior, it's crucial to address the underlying pain and teach them alternative, safer ways to express their needs. This involves guiding them toward a replacement behavior that won't harm themselves or others.
While some teachers might dismiss this as difficult behavior, an attentive teacher may recognize that something is amiss and check in with the student. This starts with being neutral about the behavior and understanding its communicative intent.The key is to understand that the behavior is a form of communication, and it's the teacher's role, as a supportive adult, to decipher what that message might be.
Go to the senses: Using sensory awareness to create a regulated classroom
Before discussing de-escalation techniques, let's define what a “regulated classroom” means. This can vary from teacher to teacher. For some, it's a quiet and orderly space. For others, it's a place where students feel free to ask questions and express themselves. As an educator, it's important to determine what a regulated classroom looks like for you.
A quick and effective way to regulate your students is through their sensory experiences. Start by observing the environment. Are the lights too bright? Is the room stuffy? Is the sun shining after days of rain or snow? When I was in school in the eighties, my teacher often used simple sensory adjustments like dimming the lights and lowering her voice to encourage students to do the same. Sometimes, she might play music or open a window – all sensory cues. A 10-minute walk outside in warm weather might have a similar effect.
To help students feel more grounded, try a five-senses check-in. Ask them: “What are five things you can see? Name four sounds you hear. What are three things you can touch? What is your favorite taste? What are two smells you love the most?” Remember, smell is strongly linked to memory, so save that one for last. This technique and many others can help calm the class—and you!—and create a more focused learning environment.
Share your calm: A simple guide for teacher regulation
Since children often mirror the adults around them, it's crucial to remember that regulation starts with you, the teacher. To assist with this, I've developed a tool called “Share Your Calm,” in which each letter represents an action that a regulated adult can take to set a positive tone in the classroom and with individual students. This involves conducting a personal self-check and then projecting that calm and regulated state outward to the class.
Here are the steps of “Share Your Calm.”
Share and focus on the things the child can control
Help the child to regulate
Acknowledge and validate their feelings
Regulate together
Expel excess energy
You first—take your own pulse
Observe—breath, body language, state
Understand and normalize
Routines, regularity, and repetition
Control—give the child some control over the situation
Accept the whole child, who they are, as they are
Look for the positive
Manage and develop your own wellness care
By consistently practicing “Share Your Calm,” teachers can create a more stable and supportive environment, ultimately fostering better regulation and learning for their students. Download this simple guide to have on hand or post in your teacher’s lounge as a reminder.
Know your resources: When you suspect mental health support is needed
For many reasons, it can be concerning for educators to discuss mental health concerns, but it's absolutely crucial. Whenever you suspect a child might need additional mental health support, it's important to remember that you are not a mental health professional. You cannot, and should not, try to handle these complex issues alone. Instead, leverage your school resources. Talk to your school counselors, social workers, or psychologists, and clearly explain what you've observed, sticking to the facts.
Leave the interpretation and follow-up actions to them. These professionals have specialized training and expertise in identifying and addressing mental health conditions. They are equipped to recommend appropriate assessments, interventions, and ongoing support that educators, while caring and observant, are not qualified to offer. By collaborating with these professionals, teachers ensure that students receive the right kind of help from the right people.
Building parent connections: The power of a positive call home
Developing strong relationships with parents is crucial for educators to better understand and support their students. To start, I highly recommend embracing the power of a positive call home. Each week, make it a practice to call 3-5 parents simply to share something positive about their child. To ease any immediate concern, begin the call by reassuring them, “Nothing is wrong.” And then choose a simple observation about their child, like “I just wanted to let you know that it is such a joy to have Johnny in my classroom. He is so kind to his classmates and they really enjoy his company.” Or, “Sarah’s creativity really shines through when we’re doing art projects in class. It’s clear that she really enjoys this time.”
This simple gesture can significantly transform the teacher-parent relationship and is an investment that saves time and stress in the long run. Once you’ve set this friendly tone, if you ever need to discuss a serious matter, parents will be more likely to answer your call and engage constructively.
“Be direct, honest, and create an environment where open and caring communication is encouraged. While this might not come naturally, we live in challenging times that require us to address these issues head-on.”
Breaking down barriers: Addressing mental health stigma in the classroom
It's crucial to address the stigma surrounding mental health in the classroom. We’ve come a long way, but there is still a significant amount of stigma, and certain topics have become difficult to discuss openly. My advice for educators and parents is to stick to the facts and use clear, straightforward language when talking about emotionally charged subjects. We need to be able to talk about these things, even when they're uncomfortable.
To effectively communicate and identify potential risks, educators must be able to openly discuss topics like suicide, self-harm, and other traditionally difficult mental health topics appropriately, without being overly alarmed. Similarly, children need to feel safe expressing themselves, whether saying “I think I'm going to hurt myself” or “I'm upset about not making the basketball team and I want to break something,” without fearing immediate hospitalization or punishment.
Create a safe and accepting space in your classroom where children feel comfortable being themselves and talking to you. Don't avoid difficult conversations. If a child mentions having thoughts of self-harm, ask directly and compassionately, “Have you thought about taking your own life? Do you think or feel this way presently?” Be direct, honest, and create an environment where open and caring communication is encouraged. While this might not come naturally, we live in challenging times that require us to address these issues head-on.
Because it's essential for both educators and parents to discuss these topics, I recommend seeking training, both individually and as a community. Pursue professional development on mental health, focusing on concerns specific to your community, such as trauma, suicide, the long-term effects of Covid, anxiety, and depression. To schedule a professional development workshop or training for your group, please email Blackbird Health at info@blackbirdhealth.com.
“Teachers, administrators, counselors, and parents must unite in a network of mutual support. Within schools, this means being attuned to signs of burnout in colleagues and offering assistance.”
Community care: Start with a foundation of support
In closing, let's emphasize the critical importance of community care. We must acknowledge that we have collectively experienced trauma, a global pandemic, and the persistent fear of school shootings. To effectively manage the stress of this profession, teachers need to recognize these challenges, prepare for them, and engage in open conversations about them. Acknowledgment of this and dialogue about it are essential for creating safe and nurturing school environments where children can thrive and learn.
While self-care is undoubtedly important for individual educators, for schools, community care is absolutely vital. Teachers, administrators, counselors, and parents must unite in a network of mutual support. Within schools, this means being attuned to signs of burnout in colleagues and offering assistance. It involves establishing accountability buddies among staff members, ensuring everyone has someone looking out for them and taking breaks together. It means mentoring new teachers and reassuring them that adapting the curriculum to meet students' needs is not only acceptable but often necessary.
By fostering a culture of community care, we not only support each other but also provide the most stable and supportive environment for our students. Ultimately, understanding and addressing behavioral challenges requires a holistic approach that includes recognizing the context of behaviors, practicing classroom regulation and self-regulation, leveraging resources at school and with parents, and breaking down stigma. This comprehensive approach is essential for creating thriving, safe, and supportive learning environments for all.
Dr. Coleen Vanderbeek is Director of Autism and Early Childhood at Blackbird Health. As a specialist in neurodevelopmental behavioral health, she appreciates how the Blackbird Health model treats the whole child and helps them learn the skills needed to be successful.
How can Blackbird help?
Our goal is to help pediatricians, educators, and families connect to support as quickly and as smoothly as possible. To speak to a Blackbird Care Navigator or to schedule a professional development workshop or training for your group on this topic, email Blackbird Health at info@blackbirdhealth.com.
