Teaching Children Boundaries: 7 Types for Healthy Self-Respect
Guide for Parents
Keys to fostering self-respect and emotional intelligence in kids by setting clear boundaries.
In this article you’ll learn:
Why boundaries are important for children to learn
Physical boundaries
Emotional boundaries
Sexual boundaries
Mental/intellectual boundaries
Time boundaries
Material boundaries
Spiritual boundaries
The role of parents in teaching and assisting with the implementation of boundaries
Boundaries are essential for healthy relationships and personal well-being. They help people understand their own limits, protect their space and emotions, and encourage mutual respect. For children, learning about and practicing boundaries is a crucial part of developing esteem, self-respect, confidence, and emotional intelligence. Parents play a pivotal role in teaching children how to recognize, express, and honor their own boundaries, as well as those of others.
In my work with children and families, we explore the different types of boundaries children need to understand, how they demonstrate their readiness to implement these boundaries, and strategies to help parents ease into teaching boundary-setting and checking back in along the way.
“Model and discuss appropriate physical boundaries, such as asking for or giving permission before hugging, knowing when to keep hands to themselves, and respecting personal belongings.”
1. Physical Boundaries: Physical boundaries involve personal space, touch, and privacy. Children learn when someone is too close, how to communicate when they need space, and when they are comfortable with proximity or physical touch from others.
Why are physical boundaries important? Having physical boundaries develops a sense of safety and autonomy, teaching children to be confident in communicating their comfort levels and protecting them from potentially harmful or unwanted situations.
Signs children are ready: Understanding and respecting their own personal space and the space of others, identifying comfortable and uncomfortable physical touch, using verbal expressions like “Please stop” and “No,” refusal of touch, and choosing who can be close.
Tip: Model and discuss appropriate physical boundaries, such as asking for or giving permission before hugging, knowing when to keep hands to themselves, and respecting personal belongings.
2. Emotional Boundaries: Emotional boundaries protect one’s feelings and emotional needs. They involve understanding that emotions are individualistic and separate from others’ emotions.
Why are emotional boundaries important? Emotional boundaries help children identify their own feelings, express their emotions appropriately, and avoid emotional burnout.
Signs children are ready: Verbalizing emotions, understanding that it is okay to have different feelings, refusing to engage in undesirable topics, creating emotional distance when appropriate, and setting limits on emotional demands.
Tip: Encourage “I feel” statements and model healthy emotional boundaries.
3. Sexual Boundaries: Sexual boundaries define consent and identify appropriate behavior in regard to comfort levels with direct physical contact and intimacy.
Why are sexual boundaries important? Sexual boundaries protect one’s personal integrity, teach children the importance of consent, iterate that they have control over their own bodies, and respect others' boundaries in relation to sexual activity.
Signs children are ready: Awareness of body autonomy, seeking privacy, verbalizing discomfort, and respecting others’ boundaries.
Tip: Start early conversations about body autonomy, appropriate versus inappropriate touch, consent, and the importance of saying “no.”
“Create a space where your child feels their thoughts and opinions are heard, respected, and can disagree respectfully, without negative repercussions.”
4. Intellectual Boundaries: Intellectual boundaries protect one’s own thoughts and ideas and how to respect differing beliefs and opinions of others.
Why are they important? They teach children to value diverse thought-processing, listen to and respect others’ perspectives.
Signs children are ready: Respecting different viewpoints, flexible thinking, expressing interest/disinterest, and needing quiet time.
Tip: Create a space where your child feels their thoughts and opinions are heard, respected, and can disagree respectfully, without negative repercussions.
5. Time Boundaries: Time boundaries establish ways to manage time effectively, prioritize activities, set limits on how time is spent, and protect from overcommitment.
Why are they important? Time boundaries help children understand that they have a right to their own time, teach them how to manage schedules, practice balancing activities, avoid burnout, and how to be respectful of other’s time and schedules.
Signs children are ready: Asking for breaks, recognizing fatigue, saying “I’m finished,” and requesting a routine.
Tip: Set reasonable time limits, eliminate overwhelming commitments, and encourage breaks.
“Spiritual boundaries help children explore and protect their own beliefs and values, while respecting others’ personal beliefs and rights.”
6. Material Boundaries: Material boundaries relate to respect one’s own and other’s property, possessions, and being in shared spaces.
Why are they important? Material boundaries teach the value of possessions and respect for others’ belongings, to include asking for and giving permission before using them.
Signs children are ready: Claiming possessions, asking before borrowing, returning items, and saying “No” to sharing.
Tip: Teach children when to share and when it’s okay to say “No.”
7. Spiritual Boundaries: Spiritual boundaries protect the right to believe and worship as one wishes and to respect the beliefs of others.
Why are they important? Spiritual boundaries help children explore and protect their own beliefs and values, while respecting others’ personal beliefs and rights.
Signs children are ready: Verbalizing beliefs, identifying right and wrong, asking about practices, and acknowledging differences.
Tip: Encourage open conversations about spirituality, encourage understanding that different people have different beliefs, and that it is important to respect them.
The Role of Parents in Teaching Boundaries
Teaching your child to set and respect boundaries is a gradual process. By helping them understand and practice physical, emotional, sexual, intellectual, time, material, and spiritual boundaries, you are giving them the tools they need to navigate intra- and interpersonal relationships, how to respect themselves and others, and feel empowered to implement these learned boundaries.
Remember, it’s important to check in regularly with your child as they grow and their needs evolve. Be patient, model healthy boundaries in your own life, allow for autonomy, and celebrate their progress in setting, implementing, and respecting boundaries. With your support, your child will develop the confidence and skills necessary to maintain healthy boundaries in all areas of life.
Patrice Griffin is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) who specializes in CBT, DBT, Motivational Interviewing, and Trauma Therapy. In her work at Blackbird, she loves observing, hearing about, and bearing witness to clients developing the confidence within themselves to overcome obstacles and achieve personal success.
How can Blackbird help?
If you recognize your child may need support and are interested in exploring mental health services, click here to get started. To speak to a Care Navigator, call (484) 202-0751 or email us at info@blackbirdhealth.com.
