Parenting an Anxious Child: Real-world ways you can help

Written By Clara Valenstein

Guide for Parents

Effective parenting strategies, recognize triggers, and find resources for managing childhood anxiety

By Caitlin Kolba, LCSW, Certified Clinical Trauma Professional

 

In this article, you'll learn how to:

  • What is anxiety and common triggers

  • Long-term impacts of unaddressed anxiety

  • Parenting patterns that influence anxiety

  • When to seek professional support

  • Tools and resources

 

Anxiety is a natural response to stress or danger, a way for the body to prepare for challenges. However, when it becomes persistent, intense, and overwhelming, disrupting daily life, it becomes a concern. Anxiety disorders are the most prevalent psychiatric condition among children and adolescents, affecting approximately one in 12 children and one in four adolescents, manifesting in various ways, ranging from mild discomfort to panic attacks.

Not as simple as it sounds
Anxiety is often a co-condition, which means it frequently occurs alongside other mental health conditions. Therefore, it is important to investigate all potential issues because anxiety may be interconnected with other underlying diagnoses such as intellectual disabilities, learning disorders, speech and language disorders, poor memory, and ADHD. Addressing anxiety by itself may be insufficient if other co-occurring conditions are present and contributing to the anxiety. A comprehensive approach to treatment—like the Blackbird Health model—is necessary to effectively manage anxiety and any related issues.

There are four primary stress responses: fight, flight, freeze, and fawn. These responses are activated when the body perceives a threat, whether real or perceived. Understanding these responses can help parents recognize and address how anxiety manifests in their children.

Here are some insights about anxiety in children and some practical strategies to help parents support their children, themselves, and the whole family when anxiety is at play.


Common triggers for anxiety
Triggers for anxiety vary depending on age. Children under 10 often experience separation anxiety, fear of the unknown, performance pressure, and specific phobias. Older children, aged 11 to 17, face social pressures, academic stress, body image concerns, and worries about the future.

There are a few unexpected causes of anxiety which parents can monitor. The most common of these include food sensitivities, parental stress, sleep deprivation, social media exposure, hormonal changes, and a lack of downtime. Recognizing these less obvious triggers is essential for effective management.

Long-term impacts of unaddressed anxiety
If anxiety is not addressed, it can have long-term impacts on mental health, relationships, and academic performance. Chronic stress, co-existing disorders, low self-esteem, social withdrawal, family tensions, difficulty focusing, declining grades, and school avoidance are some potential consequences. Treating anxiety sooner rather than later can prevent escalation of the condition.

“By creating a stable and predictable environment, parents can help reduce anxiety associated with uncertainty. Avoid changing expectations frequently or without clear explanation.”

Parenting patterns that influence anxiety
Certain parenting patterns can inadvertently contribute to a child's anxiety. These include:

  • Parental accommodation: Constantly stepping in to solve problems and shield children from discomfort. Instead, this pattern can be reversed by allowing gradual exposure to fears and responsibilities. Build resilience by celebrating efforts and bravery, not just outcomes.

Try this: Validate the child’s feelings of fear, nervousness, or apprehension, and offer clear recommendations and support to encourage them to push through the scary or stressful situation. Encourage assertive communication and self-advocacy of their needs. Assist with breaking large tasks into smaller tasks that feel more manageable to help build resilience rather than avoidance.

  • Parental inconsistency: Unpredictable rules, expectations, or responses. By creating a stable and predictable environment, parents can help reduce anxiety associated with uncertainty. Avoid changing expectations frequently or without clear explanation.

Try this: Create a predictable bedtime routine that is pleasant and calming for the whole family. When it’s time to wind down for the day, choose some soothing music, work together to tidy up toys and clutter, dim the lights, and initiate bathtime and brushing teeth. Do this every night until it is expected and enjoyed by all.

“Build resilience by celebrating your child’s efforts and bravery, not just outcomes.”

  • Overprotectiveness: Restricting independence and taking excessive precautions. Instead, enhance supportive resources by validating feelings and expressing confidence.

Try this: Find opportunities to build independence, such as buying an item in a store while you wait outside or taking responsibilities for a household chore. Build resilience by celebrating your child’s efforts and bravery, not just outcomes. 

  • Parental anxiety: Openly worrying or exhibiting stress responses in front of children. Instead, model and encourage incremental independence by demonstrating healthy coping skills and allowing children to take on responsibilities. Prioritize your own well-being to effectively support your child.

Try this: Make an honest effort to identify and practice effective strategies for managing your own anxiety, and then model those strategies for their children. For example, set boundaries, practice self-compassion, build a support network, and prioritizing physical and mental health.


When to seek professional support
It's important to seek professional support when anxiety becomes persistent, severe, and interferes with daily life. Physical symptoms, excessive avoidance, frequent meltdowns, and anxiety that persists for months are indicators that professional help may be needed. Parents should also seek support for themselves if they feel overwhelmed, unsure about how to respond, or if anxiety is causing conflict within the family.

Tools and resources
To learn more about supporting an anxious child, explore resources available from their school or doctor. There are also many helpful books on the topic, here are a few of our favorites:

Caitlin Kolba is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) and a Certified Clinical Trauma Professional (CCTP) with 13 years of experience in the mental health field. In her work at Blackbird Health, she loves seeing strategies click for kids and parents and watching positive changes take place over time.

 

How can Blackbird help?
If you recognize your child may need support and are interested in exploring comprehensive mental health services, click here to get started. To speak to a Care Navigator, call (484) 202-0751 or email us at info@blackbirdhealth.com.

Clara Valenstein
Previous

Why virtual care works for kids
Next

When and how to seek care for your child's mental health